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Away Day VIII - ZapCat Racing

Date: Thursday 01 June 2006
Location: Southampton harbour, Hampshire
Activities: Zap Cats Racing
Organised through: www.vortex-racing.co.uk

The latest little adventure saw us foolhardy boys taking a little trip down to Southampton. Based dockside, there is a little-by-office-size, big-by-attitude company going by the name of Vortex Racing. And they spend their days taking members of the public out on the water in their Zap Cats.

But just what is a Zap Cat exactly? It sounds like a mythical beast, and in truth, there is something a bit beastly about it. The Zap Cat is basically a mini-speed boat. But it ain't no ordinary little boat, oh no - it is probably best compared to a formula one car on water. The power to weight ratio, combined with the speed and turning ability, all make a pant-wetting recipe for fun. Well, fun mixed with a lot of adrenaline, and with a sprinkling of pain thrown on top.

The day starts with signing the indemnity forms… You're basically signing your life away - if anything happens to you, it's your fault. With such an extreme form of boat activity, there really is a lot of responsibility to stay alive!

It's then time squeeze into the dry suits. Sadly, these aren't like wet suits (as the name indicates) - you can't wee yourself in these, unless you want damp smelly jeans in return. So, toilet breaks aside, we then plod over to the rib - a rather speedy form of a water taxi with 225horse power pushing it along at a healthy speed. The rib takes us away from the harbour and, more importantly, away from the speed limit restrictions. It's time to play.

"...it is probably best compared to a Formula One car on water. The power to weight ratio, combined with the speed and turning ability, all make a pant-wetting recipe for fun"

The Zap Cats were originally designed for surf rescue. They were made in South Africa to be really quick and extremely agile - and they don't disappoint. Some mad fools then decided to race them, and from there, Zap Cat mania reached the UK.

Out in open waters, we then take it in turns to be co-pilot. Taking charge of the boat is Craig Davis who currently lies tied second in the Southern Region Zapcat Championships and tied 5th in the National Championships. This lad is the Jenson Button of the Zap Cats world - young, fast and with trendy hair. He then proceeds to blast around the water with one of us holding on for dear life. But you can't just hang on to the rope, close your eyes, and dream of your mama's bosom. That would be nice, but as co-pilot, you're required to shift your weight around the boat to make sure it doesn't flip when going round corners. You better be ready to perform!

So we keep taking it in turns to get our bums battered by the hard boat floor and have a whale of a time. Being in such a small boat, when it gets going at upwards of 40 knots, your sphincter really starts to twitch. It feels so damn fast, every wave it jumps lands the boat firmly back on the water - you really have to work hard to stay in the boat.

After doing that for a while it was time to do the time trials. This was where we took it in turns to be co-pilot for two laps of an oval course. The prize: bragging rights for the next few months. Here's how we finished.

Race 1

1st place - Simon
2nd place - Mike
3rd place - Tom
4th place - Ben

Race 2

1st place - Mike
2nd place - Tom
3rd place - Simon
4th place - Ben

So overall Mike was the winner, Simon finished second, Tom third and dragging his heels in last was Ben - but one thing was obvious... Mike is 5ft 2 and 9 stone, Simon is 5ft 2 and 9 and-a-half stone, Tom is 6ft and 12 stone, and Ben is 6ft and 11 and-a-half stone. Anyone who says size doesn't matter is a liar.

On to the next activity... We were lucky - the nice weather, low winds and calm water meant it was safe enough for us to have a go at driving these little monsters. Uh oh! You could see the tension in the organiser's face as we donned our helmets and took control of the boat. 'Please don't crash it…' And off we went - what a blast. Our forearms were aching like teenagers when Baywatch is on, but boy did we have fun. It's really tiring, but you get a big shot of adrenaline being in control of these little speedsters.

And that was it. We got about 3 hours worth of action - which was plenty. If you like speed, like water, and are a bit of an adrenaline junkie - this is the day out for you. The next day we felt like we'd been beaten up by a giant silverback who'd just found out we'd slept with his missus. But a bit of pain never hurt anyone.

What did we learn?

Ben: "You can't have your kayak and eat it"
Simon: "Awestruck is being hit on the head with a paddle"
Mike: "People are like tea-bags. You have to put them in hot water before you can tell how strong they are."
Tom "During a drought, things just go from one ex-stream to another"

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Away Day VIII - ZapCat Racing

Race 1

Race 2

What did we learn?

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